To our dear friends and family,
I guess I’ll give this a shot today. It has been a life time since yesterday morning. This journey is not for the faithless and weak of heart. Each time a nurse or doctor comes into our room, we hold our breath for whatever news they are bringing. I have never, and shame on me, used my rosary so much. The Hail Mary prayer has been my constant and my companion between news. I did begin my day yesterday as if the black cloud of the day before had lifted. Took a shower and even put a little make-up on. Our doctor called and said that he would not be able to get to us for the ultrasound until later in the afternoon, as he was pretty swamped. I was okay with that, after all I was not throwing up like the day before and was well rested. I was confident that the news would be good and the girls would still be alive. Bo and I watched a couple of movies and started a great book given to us by Dr. Ball’s assistant (Carrie) called “The Shack.” It was the most relaxing day so far. Dr. Ball came in in the late afternoon and started the ultrasound. First news, two heart beats. This is always great news but continues to be followed by some concern. Our surgery was a success to a certain degree, but not a ‘homerun’ as Dr. Ball has put it. There is still an amount of transfusion going on between the girls and this just keeps us watchful. I am leaking alot of amniotic fluid which leaves both girls with minimal supply. This is important for their development especially lung and neurological. This can continue to replenish itstelf and that is what we are looking for on a daily basis. You can see alot of good news with alot of concern. At this point though, we are feeling good and consider this a ‘successful’ day. A couple hours later a nurse comes in to listen on the doppler for heart tones. You have all seen this little machine that is used in all OB offices. The nurse had a terrible time finding the heart beat for Elizabeth and finally called the doctor to see what should be done. There was no sonnography still left at the hospital and our doctor assured us that there was nothing to worry about. The girls could be on top of each other. It can be very difficult at times to decifier between the twins. As much as he tried to put us at ease, this was not going to do for Bo and I. Alot a crying and a rosary to our Mother calmed us down, but sleep was not something we were going to get- and I even took an Ambien to try get that accomplished. We resulted to a website of success and not so successful stories on TTTS and searched for cases that were similar to ours with a happy ending. We also tried to get some composure by relying on the Lord and knowing that His plan is already in play. We asked for strenghth to handle whatever He has decided for us. So much of this is out of our hands. Luckily, our doctor called in an early morning favor and we had an ultrasound machine in here by 7 a.m. Within minutes, we saw two miraculous heartbeats and breathed a sigh of relief. Followed of course by more crying and more prayers of thanksgiving. This is probably never going to be a perfect scenerio and will be filled daily with these ‘roller coaster’ rides. Bo and I are strong and extremely faithful and have traded strenghth when the other was feeling down. We know that whether we bring home two, one, or none……we have done everything we possibly can to save these babies.
Bo and I are humbled, I mean completely humbled, as our everyone sends their prayers and offers for ANY and ALL help imaginable. It is hard to feel worthy of such love! I don’t know how long this ride is going to be or what is going to become of it. But I do know that I have the STRENGTH. My experience with CRHP and my renewal of faith keeps me focused……and of course my rosary calms me. I also didn’t think I could lean on anyone or love anyone more (as I have always been in love with my husband), but this has taken us to a new extreme…..I am scared when he is not by my side. If that is part of God’s plan for this, I will take it too.
I need to wrap this up because I am having such a hard time getting this down and sharing this pain. We continue to be blessed with three beautiful children, they take our mind off this day to day when they can. And to boot, we have a community of friends and family that we knew was GREAT but not like this. I doubt we will ever be able to express our love and gratitude for you all. We appreciate everything coming our way and all the generosity, but our greatest need and best chance for making it through this experience is to put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-11) and continue our prayers. Intercesssion requests to St. Jude, St. Rita, our Holy Mother, and the many more you all have chosen…. and of course directly to our Lord….We know He is big enough to make this happen!
God bless you all!